another day of getting spat at over things i cant control. is this all its ever been? all it ever will be? how long have i gone on like this? im everyone elses trash who scrubs shit off the floors, and i can see it on their faces when they look at me that im just a disgusting mess no different in their eyes to the very shit im supposed to be cleaning. i cant remember a time i wasnt keeping myself up at night just thinking of tomorrows problems. the only time i ever seem to get is when im supposed to be sleeping. theres never any time for me to find peace beyond this pathetic dead end. when did it get so bad? was there a time before this??